UNEDITED ON s.a.d.

Hello, I can totally be entertained by my own thoughts. I fine that thoughts thinking, also meditation, if used properly are linked to wisdom. - I am a pen of a ready writer- I used to confess this ,meditate and think on it be thankfull for it. It is now come upon me. I can only write to you bits and pieces at a time. How are you going to compose this? As letters? if so I should start them as dear?



social anxiety disorder for me is a strong intense overpowering feeling. In the most profound meaning of the word feeling. The sensation of touch also is profound to me. I feel energies around me all the time the negative (S.A.D)energies that comes as a dark thick low hovering embracing cloud, and when it bares witness to my spirit or aura even ions ,it takes away my power bit by bit, by bit... until i get out of a situation i perhaps may be in. It also comes to me when i am alone not as thoughts but as feeling of strong energies. Iam not on medication, I have learn not to live by this disorder...well not really but I am working on it every day. I apsaloutly hate it and wish I didn't have to deal with it. It's like living with a presents almost like s.a.d. has its own spirit. Another odd thing about this is that it seems to hangout with or attach itself to other people as a carrier would a disease. you could say i am infected with a virus and perhaps you were or are the carrier. It's all about negative energies .energy is a living force and exist in both worlds ,the physical and the spiritual realms. I have learnt to discern certain energies because i am susceptible to them. I try to be not moved by them . My new way of life is this See No Evil Hear No Evil Speak No Evil... Feel No Evil .
Thanksgiving, Thanks giving, Thanks....Giving. Be thankful in everything. I'm so thankful, for God for entrusting me with a life that is so beaten so bruised so bewildered. My road to fulfill a purpose for the right of a life that is filled with undying torturous behavior, so far unwilling to sacrifice. My daughter, my daughter loley art though daughter, Shakes spare such passion , sacrifice such conviction! My daughter called me addiction listened, addiction spoke to me ,my daughter listened. Addiction is my daughter ,my daughter is addiction


what is it that comes over me so smothering so evil so condeming... Its what I feel not what i see . robbing me of life ...Your not worthy!!!! Its not what I think Its what I feel...Its alive, its real. My body wants to respond by rolling my shoulders forward hiding my breast, why? I don't know but its is an awefull feeling. Im screamming inside so much screaming. I feel my chest tighten up ,Im awear of my body my thoughts my everymove all i am doing is using the computer but moms sitting there. I feel pulled I believe I am being pulled, pulled away from my dreams away from my happiness away from love .